You leave the house with only a spare nappy in the car and know you’re OK for a few hours!
When you breastfeed, baby’s food is ready to go. No need to faff about with bottles, powder or water. Many breastfeeding mothers tap themselves on the chest subconsciously as if to check whether they have their boobs with them as they go out the door. Because sometimes they detach. Didn’t you know?
When you don’t care that the whole world has seen your boobs, but you’re a bit uncomfortable with anyone seeing your tummy.
So true. You see my boobs? Cool. You see my stretch mark riddled, squishy tummy? Not cool. But c’mon girls, we need to embrace our tummies and our post birth bodies. They are amazing, just look at what it made, your perfect little bundle.
When you just give yourself a little squeeze in public to check if baby must be due a feed.
Did that woman just grope her own boobs? Yes, yes she did.
You choose clothing based on access to boobs.
Shopping will never be the same again. There are three very important questions you need to ask yourself while you’re looking for your Autumn/Winter wardrobe: Can I get my boobs out in this easily? No? Ok. Can I put a string top underneath it? No? Ok. Realistically will I actually bother having it altered to make it boob accessible? No? Put it down, and move on. Sorry.
You can get out of cleaning up after dinner by announcing the baby needs a feed, he is only too happy to go along with the lie.
Dishes? Oh, what’s that, baby? You need a feed? Sorry hon, baby’s gotta eat! Cue the resigned eye roll from himself.
When you are bursting for the loo but baby is falling asleep while latched on!
You sit there wondering how you are going to explain to your significant other that you have soiled yourself. He doesn’t get that one simply doesn’t unlatch baby for a lavatory visit. Are you mad?! But over time you develop great skill at holding it in. Nobody can hold it longer than a breastfeeding mum. Boo ya.
You regularly weigh your boobs in your hands to see which one is more engorged.
Did she just grope her own boobs, again?! Yes, yes she did and she will do it several more times throughout the day.
Your first aid space is gathering dust ‘cause breast milk fixes everything.
Stuffy nose? Breast milk! Gunky eye? Breast milk! Nappy rash? Breast milk! They don’t call it liquid gold for nothin’!
You start quoting WHO (World Health Organisation) when you previously had no idea who the WHO was.
Whoooo are you? Who, who, who, who? Yes, that is the CSI theme song but it works here too. A lot of breastfeeding mothers are often asked are they “STILL” feeding their children. A mother’s first response will usually be:
“WHO recommend that all babies be exclusively breastfed for the first six months and then continue to breastfeed, with solids for at least two years.” Science, b**ch!
When you’ve accidentally flashed the postman /delivery driver on more than one occasion and he starts leaving packages outside the door instead.
You have now become known as “the woman with the boobs.” We suffer from baby brain, ok?! Even spending many years breastfeeding won’t make you immune to the inevitability that one day the postman will run scared from the ‘puppies.’ Most of the time, we remember to give ourselves an ole feel to make sure the girls are back in.
Yes, she did just grope herself…again..