1) The sound of any crying child makes you a) unclasp your bra and b) start leaking uncontrollably.
Yep, you’re in the changing room getting dried after a dip in the pool. As you hurriedly rub yourself dry with the towel, a nearby child begins to cry. There it is, let down..sh*t! Grab the towel and press your boobs in to stop the spray of milk!
2) You find yourself smiling at other people breastfeeding younger babies in public even though you don’t know them.
You walk by a seating area in the food court and see a mum and her bub having a mid shop feed. You smile and nod your head. A silent “kudos” to your peer. You appreciate a mother feeding in public. Later you’ll be gushing to your hubby or other BF friends about what you saw, you might even go searching for the mum on an online support group..stalker..
3) You go to sleep with a bra and pjs but wake up topless from half asleep feeding/co sleeping
Winter is coming…you know what that means! No, not white walkers..ya big nerd..
It means new jammies! Fluffy jammies! Flannel jammies! Basically, women LOVE new pjs but, unless it buttons down, you might as well go to bed topless. Cosleeping while breastfeeding is the best damn thing ever. Baby stirs for a feed, you pop her on the boob and you drift back to sleep. It’s freaking awesome. Cause I’m all about them zzzzzzzzzzzs
4) Eating twice the weight of your baby in one sitting because you ‘need’ the extra calories
I think this meme says it all:
DON’T JUDGE ME, K!?
5) You’re child tries to latch on to inanimate boobs
So, you are in a Debenhams dressing room and your toddler goes up to a poster of a beautiful model wearing only underwear and tries to nurse from the woman in the poster. BOOOOOBBBBBSSSS…all loyalty out the window..
6) Your milk drunk baby has an awful lot in common with your drunk drunk husband. Falling asleep at the boob then waking up with an incoherent babble and trying to motorboat you.
There is nothing funnier than daddy holding baby, you then walk in topless and both of them grin like cheshire cats. It’s cute when baby gets excited at the mere sight of boob. Not so much when Daddy does it..
7) You can say “nipple twiddling” without a flinch of embarrassment or innuendo.
Before you started breastfeeding breasts and nipples were something to be hidden away. Like two great big vaginas just sitting on your chest and their only function was to please the opposite sex…or so society told you. Now? Talking about your breasts and *whispers* nipples is like talking about your left hand. As for the nipple twidling..may I suggest a breastfeeding necklace? It’ll save you a lot of pain and unsightly scratches from those blasted razor sharp baby nails.
8) You have developed the skill of pumping and typing.
Working mums are entitled to pumping breaks up until their baby is six months old and after that, you could get that booby juice out in your own time. This is something we really to change here in Ireland. The WHO and the HSE (Health Service Executive) recommends that children be breast fed until at least age two. How are working mothers supposed to achieve this? Huh, huh, huh? Tell me, Mr Vadakar, how are we to adhere to the recommendations if there are no proper policies in the workplace to facilitate pumping breaks after six months?
9) Baby wakes up with the sound of your bra clicking back on
10) Your nipples are more stretchy than you ever imagined.
Am I right?