“Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift, that is why it is called the present,” is my favorite quote of all time.
My name is Danielle Faith, and I run a peer to peer support magazine that aims to help those struggling with chronic pain, chronic illness, substance abuse and mental illness.
Being ill has been my inspiration to build and start my website. I make a huge point to note that my illness does not define me. I am a daughter, friend, blogger, social butterfly, dog lover, hard worker, college graduate, and so much more than my illness.
So now we know a little about Danielle, let’s have a read of her Friday Feelings entry
“Dear Diary,
While most people my age might grab drinks and dinner after work on Friday night, chances are I’m curled up under some warm blankets and heating pads that night watching the nightly news and browsing the internet. It doesn’t bother me; I enjoy what I do on Friday evening. It’s a nice way to unwind without worrying about my body or having to put myself under the microscope and go out.
“I’ve become comfortable with my illness. I know it well.”
I know when I can handle it at home, I need more medication and most importantly, I know when I need to go down to the dreaded emergency room. Currently, I’m averaging a monthly hospital visit and every three months I require a hospitalization. As bad as that sounds, it’s hard to imagine it once was a lot worse. It used to be that I was going weekly to the Emergency Room with hospitalisations every month.
As I progress, I have hopes and dreams. I want to go to school to study psychology, and I want to keep working on decreasing my hospital visits. I have a lot of supportive friends and family, and I want to find ways to give back to them to show them, that they’re important to me too.
I am fortunate that my friends and family view my illness in a positive manner. I can always rely on my family and friends to do right by me and for me that says a lot.
Today, I just want to live in the moment and not worry about the past or future.
I try hard to do this as much as possible. I’m in a ton of pain a lot of the time, but my friends, family, and dog, make it all better.”
A big thank you to Danielle for taking part in Friday Feelings blog.
I really enjoyed reading her diary entry and seeing her so positive. How about you? Do you relate to Danielle or feel inspired by her post? Let us know in the comments.
Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?
Send
A high res photo
A short paragraph about yourself
What illnesses you have
Your diary entry with the following topics in it:
It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?
and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie
Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.
It’s Mother’s Day here in Ireland. While most moms enjoy having a day to relax, those of us with chronic illnesses would love nothing more than to actually get out and about and do something fun. However, no matter how much we want to, sometimes it just isn’t possible to move from our bed, let alone leave the house.
As a Spoonie, days where I have a random burst of energy come far and few between. When I do feel good I take advantage and go on a spoon spending splurge with my children. Our favourite activities are going to the beach for a walk, going for lunch/dinner or searching for fairies in the woods. Unfortunately, those days don’t happen very often as my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and Dysautonomia wreaks havoc on my body. There are days where I can’t move from my bed never mind actually leaving the house. My illness not only affects me, but my entire family. The children have to endure many days stuck inside because mummy is unwell. So, for those days we try and do things together from the comfort of my own bed. Here are some of the things we do together. I hope it helps another Spoonie parent who may be at a loss with their children on the days they’re stuck in bed.
Read books
One of my favourite things to do as a child was to read with my Father. Going to bed when I was little wasn’t the big fight it turned out to be as a got too old for bedtime stories. His voice even to this day is so soothing. His Anglo-Irish accent is so pleasant to listen to that I could quite happily listen to him read the dictionary to me. Quite often I did! If I didn’t know what I word meant I was sent to his study to fetch the dictionary. There was no Google back then! My favourite book as a child was The Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton.
Considering the first edition was published in 1943, I’m sure the everyday lives of those children brought back some fond memories of my father’s own childhood during the 1940s. When we finished one chapter of that, Dad used to make up stories about a mischievous little girl called Yvette (hmmm I wonder where he got the inspiration for the name) who used to get up to all sorts of mischief. When her parents found out what she did the story always ended there with her parents shouting “Yeeevette!” A few years back I dug out my copy of The Magic Faraway Tree and gave it to my son Alexander when he was about 4 with a note:
“Dear Alex,
I hope this book brings you as much joy as it has brought me.
All my love,
Mum.”
I love reading The Gruffalo with the kids too. Sometimes Alex and I turn it into a song. Alexander will beat box while I rap the story. It’s great fun! Every now and then during the summer when my pain isn’t too bad, you might hear us in the woods reciting the story aloud by heart while we stroll through the rows of beautiful green trees and bunches of bluebells and daisies. Recently we started putting on the torch and getting under the duvet to read. It gets a bit stuffy though.
Watch movies
For as long as I can remember TV and movies has been a massive part of my life. Most things I know about life I’ve learned from television! I try to limit my own kids TV limit but sometimes when you can’t do anything but lie there, TV is a Godsend. I do love the days where I snuggle up with the children and show them the movies and TV shows I grew up watching. I get such a warm feeling watching their little faces in wonder at the magic of Mary Poppins or the original Doctor Doolittle. Of course the old school Disney films like Pocahontas, The Lion King and Aladdin are a must. Movies bring me hope and joy, watching others overcome their struggles sometimes give me a boost or inspire me and that’s what I want for my own children.
Watch funny videos
Sometimes looking up fail or funny animals videos on YouTube is just the thing to cheer you up. Laughter is a great medicine and the children get such a kick out of watching them. Of course do make sure that you are supervising the children when giving them access to the Internet!
Art
Art is a great therapy for everyone, young and old. Grab some crayons/markers/pencils and a few blank sheets of paper or a colouring book. Art is proven to be beneficial for mental health, something many chronically ill patients suffer from, unfortunately. Creating art relieves stress, it encourages creative thinking, boosts self esteem and a sense of self-accomplishment, increases brain activity and so much more! Make art work a hobby if you enjoy it, it’s a great way to forget about your illness for a while. Creating art can help you work through the feelings you have about your illness.
Puzzles
Jigsaw puzzles are not just for rainy days; they’re great for bed days too. If you have a tray a table that you’d usually use for breakfast in bed, you can use that to make your puzzle on. A duvet is no good as one movement and the whole thing will fall apart. Soul destroying!
Play games
Board games are a great way to pass the time and are so much fun. I personally like playing Guess Who with my son because it teaches him to use his descriptive words, improve his concentration and his observational skills. Operation is another great option for fine motor skills, which many children with EDS have difficulty with. Travel sized games are perfect for playing in bed. Sometimes we forego the board games and play I Spy or Simon Says.
Creative writing
Creative writing can be very therapeutic for people suffering from mental and physical disorders. Using your own experiences can help you gain perspective and work through emotions and obstacles in your life. Of course, it doesn’t always have to be so serious. Sometimes it can just be funny to take turns making up sentences of a story. So for example if I said, “there was once a unicorn,” My son, Alexander might continue with “who had rainbow coloured poo,” or something as equally juvenile and silly.
Put on a show
Shadow puppets, actual puppets or just themselves a lot of kids like to entertain their parents and show off a song/poem/dance they’ve learned in school. I just love when my children sing and dance for me. It reminds me of when I was a child and my cousin and I would put on shows for our parents at Christmas time. There is a really cringey video of us doing our own version of Father Ted, a comedic show about three Irish priests. Our parents laughed a lot but I’m guessing it was the combination of alcohol and their 10-year-old children saying the iconic lines “Drink, Feck, Arse!” or “That money was just resting in my account.” The two of us really loved being the centre of attention, I can see that in my own children now.
Have a sing song/listen to music
I have to say it but the majority of modern music pales in comparison to the music of “my day”. I grew up listening to Nirvana, Metallica, Smashing Pumpkins, ABBA (I know), The Police and Fleetwood Mac. Now I am partial to a bit of Ed Sheeran, Hozier, Rag N’ Bone Man a few other singer songwriters. But I feel that music isn’t as big on the story telling anymore. Stick on iTunes or a CD player (whatever you have) and introduce your kids to the tunes from your childhood. Take turns with your child and let them introduce you to the music they like. Again, my Dad’s influence comes in here. Driving to/from school or to a hospital appointment used to be my time to have Dad up to date with “new music”. As a teenager I was a big fan of Avril Lavigne and Dad was a fan too. We used to bond with music a lot. Sitting down on a Sunday morning listening to classical music is still a time in my life I look so fondly back on. Sometimes I put on some classical music like The Four Seasons and my son and I close our eyes and talk about what we imagine when we hear the music.
Knitting/crocheting etc
Learning to knit/sew or crochet is a skill that will always be useful and also enjoyable. The sound of the clicking needles in a rhythm has always been comforting to me. Sadly, knitting isn’t an option for me any more since I began dislocating my wrist. Knitting was dying out for a while but it has gained popularity again when many celebs said it has helped relieve their stress. Teaching a child to sew a button is a skill that they’ll always have as they grow up. These practices are also a good way to improve motor skills.
Pick something to learn about
My kids love learning and my son’s choice of book is more often than not, an encyclopedia or history book of some kind. His thirst for knowledge is contagious; I love to learn with him. Even as adults there is still so much about the world we have still to discover and learning about it with your children is so, so rewarding. If my son asks me about how something works and I don’t know, we will try and find a book, or if we don’t have time (or I’m ill) we will Google it. This probably stems from my childhood. Whenever I didn’t know what a word meant, my Dad used to send me to his den to get the dictionary and look it up. This led to me knowing the longest word in the English dictionary by the time I was six (it’s floccinaucinihilipilification in case you’re wondering). Interestingly, this word never came to use in my days as a journalist! YouTube has some great educational videos produced for children. Netflix also has a brilliant selection of kid friendly documentaries. Our favourite are the dinosaur themed documentaries.
Have a conversation
Every now and then I’ll ask my son questions like “What’s your favourite book?” “What’s your favourite colour?” Anything I can think of I’ll ask him. It makes him feel important to talk about what he likes and that mom is taking a real interest. Every time I ask his answer changes, it’s the nature of children, I guess. Ask them about their friends and school or what they want to be when they grow up. You could plan a nice day out for when you’re feeling better.
“Feeling guilty often comes part and parcel of being a Spoonie parent. But remember; you can only do your best and you won’t help anyone, including yourself if you run yourself into the ground. All our children want is to know they are loved and have some quality time with their parents.”
This week I didn’t have any guest post submitted so, I decided to do a Friday Feelings post myself.
Usually I explain what my guests suffer from and a they tell us a little about themselves but I’m sure anyone who follows my blog is well aware of my conditions and the things I am passionate about. I will take the oppurtunity to plug my social medias though :p You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram and Snapchat (see the snap code in the header)
So we will just dive straight into this week’s Friday Feelings post
“Dear Diary,
It’s Friday and for once, I’ve had an excellent night’s sleep and I’m feeling relatively OK. Usually I wake with something wrong but luckily, I have no more pain that the usual aches. I am so happy that I’m feeling well as can be since I am celebrating my 30th birthday tonight with family and friends. It is not often I get to socialise and get dressed up so when it does happen I appreciate it so much. I’ll probably run low on spoons after I finish getting myself ready but I am hoping the adrenaline will kick in and help me enjoy my night. I also have to be weary of certain lighting in pubs as my sensory issues can cause havoc when I do get the chance to go out. My typical Friday nights are usually much more boring. I sit at home and spend my time watching the Gilmore Girls or socialise on Facebook.
Even though I feel OK right now the last few weeks my EDS and Dysautonomia has been acting up a good bit forcing me to use my wheelchair. I hate using it, it makes me feel very self-conscious but I know I would be much worse off if I didn’t use it. Yesterday we went into the city to take our little boy shopping for new party clothes and if I didn’t have my chair, I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy our time. It’s a frustrating time for us at the moment as we are currently fundraising to get back to London for treatment. This 5-night trip is costing us 5,000 Euro. Luckily I have some really good friends and family who helped us raise 765 Euro a couple of days ago at our coffee morning. We couldn’t believe that that amount was raised in just a couple of hours! The community really came together to support us. I was truly blown away.
The future is uncertain but I am hopeful that getting treatment in London will give the children and me a fighting chance at some normality. I am having Autonomic tests in London to find out exactly which type of Dysautonomia I have. Here in Ireland I have been diagnosed with Orthostatic Intolerance and Vasovagal Syncope but the experts in London believe I have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (PoTS). They believe Alexander also has PoTS but luckily he isn’t greatly affected. I also see symptoms in Olivia too.
I think as time goes on, people are understanding our conditions better and know that they are invisible illnesses and that some days I need my wheelchair and some days I don’t. I think the fact that we have had to go to the UK and fundraise thousands made people realise the severity of our conditions. It’s a shame that it has had to come down to this but I am content that those nearest and dearest to us take things seriously. I have had negative experiences with the way people has viewed EDS before. One doctor said that people with EDS didn’t suffer from chronic pain (I know, I know) and that I more likely had Fibromyalgia. Now, many experts do believe that most people diagnosed with Fibro have actually been misdiagnosed and that they actually have some form of Connective Tissue Disorder. I told her this and she was most unimpressed to be challenged. Pregnant and wheelchair bound, I left that appointment in tears in pure anger and frustration. A Rheumatologist diagnosed me with hEDS at that point but I saw another one to confirm the diagnosis because I felt the private consultant’s diagnosis wasn’t being taken seriously. I had the diagnosis confirmed by two experts in London so I am pretty confident hEDS is the right fit but I am going to have genetic testing just to be sure as I do fit a couple of the types of EDS too. I think anyone diagnosed with hEDS should have genetic testing to rule out other types and other Connective Tissue Disorders. If the tests come back clear, I’ll be happy sticking with the hEDS diagnosis.
Anyway, better start getting ready for my hair appointment and party. Wish me luck that my EDS or Dysautonomia doesn’t kick off!”
Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?
Send
A high res photo
A short paragraph about yourself
What illnesses you have
Your diary entry with the following topics in it:
It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?
and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie
Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.
I’m Evie and I come from Cork, Ireland. I’m a 29-year-old mother of two baby zebras. Alex is 7 and Olivia is almost 2. I am diagnosed with Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hEDS), Orthostatic Intolerance and Vasovagal Syncope. I first heard of EDS after interviewing a young woman with EDS for the paper I used to work for. Something about this woman’s story stirred something inside me and I became passionate about raising awareness of the condition. A year later I was diagnosed with EDS. When I’m not blogging, looking after my two children or lying in bed ill, I help my husband run our wedding videography business and co-host a radio show on Saturday evenings from 7pm (Irish time) on www.clonlineradio.com.
I write about Ehlers Danlos Syndrome an awful lot and with where I am guest posting today, I decided to focus on Dysautonomia. I recently wrote A Simple…
This week I spoke to Lette from Irish Dysautonomia Awareness. Lette suffers from Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hEDS) , Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) , Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction (SOD), Neurogenic Bladder Dysfunction and Gut Dysmotility, to name but a few of her conditions. You can find Lette on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
Lette and her baby, Boo.
Hi I’m Lette. When I’m am able for it I love to play retro video games, photography, drawing, craft, listen to music. I like to internet hop and watch shows like Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, The Expanse and Black Sails with my wonderful husband and our little dog Boo.
So now we know a little about Lette, let’s have a read of her Friday Feelings entry.
“Dear Diary…
It’s another Friday, they have begun to all feel the same these days, days melting into weeks, melting into months that float by me at high speed and I still seem to be stuck here in my bed, in a dark room, feeling putrid!
Motivation seems to have upped and all but disappeared. I think of all the things I have achieved throughout my life before I got very sick and everything went downhill in 2011. I got my art degree, my Masters of science, worked as a fitness instructor, (can you imagine?) as a wedding and events photographer and videographer, as a teacher in adult education and as a lecturer in third level. That was just education and work, when I had the proper use of my legs and body, my husband and I used to just love going hiking through the wild woods and lakes of Killarney with the dog and cameras in toe, I loved to drive and cycle and swim and walk aimlessly through fields for hours with the camera just because I could and I felt immense joy in looking back at and sometimes editing the photos and the memories I had captured while out.
I used to love drawing, animals especially and now it has been so long since I lost myself in any art. I forget what it’s like and I miss it but the energy is never there in recent times for me to act on that longing.
I don’t do any of these things anymore, I find I am spending more and more time in bed as I am just not capable, the majority of the time, of being upright. Either I am in severe pain with my gut issues or severe pain in my hips and shoulder joints, or the worst pain at the moment is coming from the back of my head / base of my skull / top of my neck pain which causes white blinding headaches where I can do nothing but lie in a dark room and moan. No phone, no laptop, no reading, no entertainment. Just darkness and constant pain and nausea or POTS issues where my blood pressure is so low I can hardly turn over in the bed. It wears you down.
The only time I get out these days is not to visit friends or family like I used to regularly do, but instead to go to hospital and consultant appointments and even then I have to reschedule many because I am too ill to go!
I’m getting gloomy but I don’t mean to be, because something different happened yesterday. I had to update the house insurance! What? Bear with me! Honestly, it gave me a sense of purpose, for all of those 15 or so minutes I had something, relatively important, to do and it felt good!
This morning I helped make the breakfast with the husband, put laundry washing on, picked up the Nintendo DS for the first time in ages and played Earthbound and I even had a shower. This may sound utterly silly, but to me, these are huge achievements! The shower is a funny one, I actually have to way up my energy for the day against the effort of a shower and believe me, I may not have the energy for days. It can get a tad funkay in fairness!
So while many friends of mine will be going out on the town later tonight or this weekend and I know a few others who are jetting off on a few days holidays in Europe, all I can achieve is having a freshly washed dressing gown, a nice shower, fresh fluffy socks and a hot cup of tea! Where once I would have drowned my sorrows in that cup of tea, tonight I am smiling because I know its ‘the little things’ that should and do count the most.
I have so much to be happy for. My wonderful husband, our amazing dog, my loving family and friends, the generosity of strangers who have helped with my medical fund, a relatively successful blog and related social media links, my talents have gotten rusty but I can get them back if I just try even one new thing every day.
Anyone can achieve anything if they just try and thats alright with me!”
A big thank you to Lette for taking part in our Friday Feelings blog.
Do you relate to Lette’s entry? Do you find joy in achieving what most people would take for granted in being able to do? Comment below and let us know what you thought of Lette’s entry.
Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?
Send
A high res photo
A short paragraph about yourself
What illnesses you have
Your diary entry with the following topics in it:
It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?
and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie
Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.
As I’m writing this it’s Rare Disease Day. I have a rare disease called Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. This condition is believed to affect 1-5,000/10,000 people. Although, many experts now believe it may not be rare at all, just rarely diagnosed. The new diagnostic criteria (released on March 15) may lead to a more concrete number.
Anyway, so I said earlier on in the week that I would explain my absence from social media and why my blog was late and it just so happens to fit in nicely with Rare Disease Day.
Taken from the Journal.ie:
The National Rare Disease Plan for Ireland up until 2018 was launched in 2014 by the former Health Minister, James Reilly.
The key recommendations include creating both a Clinical Care Programme and a National Office for Rare Diseases.
The Minister said, “This is a very important plan because we have 8,000 different rare diseases in a small island like ours. It’s very difficult for patients to get a diagnosis and then indeed treatment.
So we had a young man here earlier who had his picture taken who is having is treatment in the UK at the moment for his rare condition.
Reilly explained how this plan has looked at “how to shorten that journey and reduce the frustrations that people experience trying to get a diagnosis, and then indeed organising the treatments.”
The former Health Minister said a designated Clinical Care Programme for rare diseases will improve specialist services and allow for the development of a joined up model of care for patients. While the National Rare Diseases Office will identify Centres of Expertise for various rare diseases, provide a helpline function for patients and families and provide surveillance of national rare diseases.
James Reilly added: The significance of this plan cannot be overstated because it provides us with a roadmap for the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of rare diseases. “I fully endorse this plan as the means to positively shape how we look after people with rare diseases in Ireland”.
So at present, there are 8,000 diseases affecting millions of Irish citizens. Although we might be genetically rare, together we are actually very common. 1 in 10 people in the UK have a rare disease.
So three years later has anything changed for rare disease patients? From what I can tell? No. Well at least nothing for anyone with my condition. We still have no Clinical Lead Consultant, no schemes to help us get Treatment Abroad. The current Treatment Abroad scheme only covers referrals to public consultants. All the experts in the Hypermobility Unit I attend are private. There is still a huge lack of awareness amongst medical professionals. The length of time to get diagnosis is still too long or it never happens at all. Approximately 90% of patients I surveyed learned about Ehlers Danlos Syndrome before the diagnosis was confirmed. So it’s the patients that are essentially doing all the work. My own story to diagnosis reflects this.
As I’ve said my reason for being late with this blog fits in nicely with the reflection of how rare disease patients are treated across the world but particularly in Ireland.
I was called by the wonderful Professor Rodney Grahame Friday two weeks ago. He asked me to come to London the following Wednesday to be examined as I am having some rather bizzare symptoms. Just before I get a migraine/headache one of my eyes bulge, the headache starts shortly after and my nose begins to pour a water-like fluid.
My eye at the beginning of an episode. Note my right eye (your left) is bigger than the other one. It will get slightly bigger as time goes on.
Professor Grahame had never come across these symptoms before which, for him would be rather rare in itself. He said I should go ahead and have my upright MRI and I only got my appointment times the following Monday. I had to fly to London the following day to be at Professor Grahame’s clinic on Wednesday morning.
The flights were phenomenally expensive and on top of all the stress of sorting out flights and accommodation, I had to leave my daughter for the very first time. She is almost 2 and we had never been apart longer than a few hours, let alone 3 nights and two days. We cosleep and breastfeed so we are very connected. I had to organise getting a breast pump so I wouldn’t get mastitis, plugged ducts or reduce my supply. Luckily, I am apart of a very close knit breastfeeding community so one lovely mummy donated a snazzy electric pump to hold on to as I’ll be over and back from London for the next year at least.
So on Tuesday my Dad and I flew to Heathrow via Cork airport. I brought my wheelchair with me as I was approaching that time of the month which makes me more prone to dislocation and soft tissue injuries. Plus going around London for 2 days was going to be tough on me anyway.
Me arriving at Earl’s Court Underground
We stayed in Earl’s Court as per usual as it is a handy spot in the centre of everything. We were one tube stop away from the upright MRI clinic, Medserena on Cromwell Road and just 15 minutes from St John’s and St Elizabeth’s in St John’s Wood. Earl’s Court is also only one stop away from Kensington which is where all the big museums are such as the the Science Museum and the Natural History Museum.
On Wednesday I got to meet the wonderful Jared, Sarah and Annabelle Griffin of Annabelle’s Challenge before my appointment with Professor Grahame. I’m speaking at the Vascular EDS conference Jared is organising in May. We also combined forces and launched the REDS4VEDS campaign worldwide to raise awareness of Vascular EDS.
From left: Jared, Dad, Me, Annabelle and her friend at St John’s Hospital.
At noon I met with Professor Grahame. I am thrilled that he managed to squeeze me in during his last week of clinic as he is retiring from the Hypermobility Unit. He examined me and looked at the photos of my bulging eye.
He questioned whether I might have a problem with my Cerebral Spinal Fluid (CSF) and we also wondered whether I might have a Chairi Malformation as I have had weakness and other issues linked to Chiari for years.
Luckily Dad was on hand to show him a photo of my eye bulging and gave my medical history as a child specifically mentioning the weakness on my left side and my problem with going anywhere with artificial light and crowds as a child. I know now that it’s sensory processing disorder but nobody has put that down on paper as yet.
The next day we went to Medserena for my upright MRI. Two very dear Zebra friends of mine warned me that this wasn’t going to be as easy as a supine MRI and that both of them had never fully recovered from the scan. I really underestimated their warnings.
Professor Grahame had actually rang the clinic to make sure I was seen the day after my appointment with him. He ordered a scan of my cervical spine and craniocervical junction.
The staff at Medserena was very accommodating and polite, you didn’t feel like a client, you felt a visitor to someone’s home, not a cold and sterile clinic.
I went into the dressing room to put my valuables in the safe. Luckily, I had dressed in a loose top and a pair of leggings so I didn’t need to put on a gown. Just before I went in I took my Tramadol and Midon as suggested by the friends who had undergone this scan before.
Nervous, I found myself thinking about my children and husband. I pictured Olivia crying for mummy’s milk and Alex looking for cuddles in the middle of the night. I should be at home with them tonight, not hundreds of miles away across the ocean.
I sat down in the machine, luckily I got to sit as I was expecting to be standing. The scan wouldn’t have lasted that long if I was to stand because of my Orthostatic Intolerance.
The first position I had to look straight on. Because the scan takes 1.5 hours in total., the radiographer put a film on for me to watch. I had a choice between Skyfall or Tarzan. Didn’t matter to me either way as I didn’t have my glasses on, I could see diddysquat.
So, after the first position it was time to flex my neck downward, then upward and then right. There were a few occasions we needed to repeat scans as my images came out blurry. I had no idea why as I had stayed as still as I could. It’s ridiculous how still you have to be in an upright compared to a supine MRI. You can’t cough, you have to be breathe shallowly and you can not swallow. So you sit there five minutes at a time with saliva pooling in your mouth and your neck flexed in a position for five minutes.
When it came to my last position (neck turned left) I was in agony. After two attempts of this position, we had to give up. I was visibly in pain and it showed in the scans as they were very blurry.
Once I gathered my things in the dressing room, I went back into the reception and burst into tears. Not because of the pain-it’s not often that pain will make me cry now. No, it was my “fight or flight” mode gone into overdrive. I was so overwhelmed with the whole situation. Since the MRI finished at 5.45 (I went in at 3.45) my back, shoulder and neck had been giving me trouble. Two weeks later the problems persists with swallowing becoming uncomfortable and slightly painful.
The lovely receptionist brought me some juice and chocolate for my shock. I was a mixed bag of emotions. I felt like I had been something very traumatic had just happened to me. For those of you who’ve not gone through this, it might sound dramatic but those who’ve been through this know my feelings are perfectly valid. The radiographer gave me a CD of my scan images and we left.
I’m sure for people without my issues, the MRI isn’t as draining or painful. But with the problems I have with my neck, it was torture.
That night I took a sleeping pill and slept from 9.30 until we had to get up for our flight at 7am. I had a headache like I was hungover, my whole body ached more than usual. This scan really did a number on me. But, I was going home. I’d see my babies and my husband and sleep in my own bed tonight.
The Aer Lingus staff were amazing on the flight home, very pleasant and very accommodating. Even though we were 30 minutes late taking off, we arrived just shortly after our arrival time. I was brought to the front of the queue in my wheelchair for every point in Heathrow and again in Cork, much to Dad’s amusement and delight.
When we came through the arrival doors of the airport the children saw me. Alex came bounding over and it took Olivia a second or two to realise mommy was home. She then came running over. Of course, it didn’t take her long before she climbed on my lap and latched on. Hubby came over with a big bunch of flowers to welcome me home. I have been on many trips before but never had a welcome party like this. My heart swelled.
The journey home was tough as the roads in Cork are abysmal especially after Hurricane Doris had come sweeping through.
I landed myself into my usual spot when I got home, on the couch. I’ve been quite ill since and have only managed to leave the house a couple of times in two weeks.
I received my report from Professor Smith in Medserena last Wednesday. Thankfully no Chiari was noted.
Images from my upright MRI
The report was very detailed being four pages long. Here’s the Professor’s conclusion:
In the cervical spine there is reversal of the normal cervical lordosis in the neutral position with evidence of instability at the C4-5 and C5-6 levels.
There is no evidence of basilar invagination or of cerebellar tonsillar ectopia.
Whilst the atlas is normally aligned over the axis. There is deviation of the odontoid peg to the left in the presence of intact ligaments of the craniocervical junction ligamentous complex.
On looking to the right and to the left the odontoid peg moves to the contralateral side indicating an element of laxity of the ligaments.
I am awaiting a call from one of my consultants to discuss the results and a course of treatment for my issues.
I return to London on April 9th this time for Autonomic Tests and physiotherapy. The children will be coming with me this time to be assessed by their physio too.
It’s downright criminal that we need to disrupt our lives even more and travel abroad to access experts and have these tests. They are nothing overly complicated and could easily be done here in Ireland but nobody does them. There are physiotherapists in Dublin who could look after the children but it is actually more hassle travelling 3 hours to Dublin than it is flying 45 minutes to London. At least we know the children are in safe hands there.
I came across this image a few days ago while writing this blog and it really does ring true. This statement does not ring true to the doctors who look after us in the UK, of course but to the medical professionals who have no urge to learn or help those of us with Ehlers Danlos.
The theme of my talk at the Vascular EDS conference is about this very topic. Patients become the real experts when it comes to their condition. We know more about it than doctors who have trained for a decade or more.
I am the driving force behind my own medical care. For years I let doctors fob me off and dismiss my issues as nothing more than depression.
Luckily I have a great GP now who listens and does exactly what I ask her to do. I’m in charge of my own referrals, meds and treatments. She trusts my gut and knowledge. I am so grateful to have her, I know so many others who are not quite as lucky.
As I said, we are back in London in April and this visit is going to cost us 5,000 Euro.
I have friends helping to fundraise through coffee mornings and the likes.
My GoFundMe has been our main source of treatment money so far and I’ve been blown away by people’s genorosity.
This week I spoke to Caroline from Living with PoTS . Caroline suffers from Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (PoTS). PoTS is a debilitating type of Dysautonomia and is often found in people with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. You can find Caroline on Twitter.
I’m Caroline, I’m a final year Uni student in Yorkshire, studying Psychology and Education. I love reading, especially Harry Potter, baking and crafting, and my dream is to live abroad and work with disadvantaged children. I’m relatively new to both the chronic illness and blogging communities, having suffered with PoTS like symptoms all my life, but only just figuring out what it is. I’ve been amazed by how supportive everyone is.
So now that we know a little about Caroline, let’s look at her Friday Feelings entry.
“Dear diary,
Friday night again, well 4pm. I’m in bed, exhausted from the week. Tonight is worse than most, Friday is food shop day, and dragging a week’s worth of stuff back on the bus means the pain is worse than usual. Later my flatmates will be going out, I’ll be lying in bed trying to sleep, constantly being woken up by them. Eventually I’ll probably give up and turn my laptop on. If it’s been a bad week, I’ll stick a DVD on, if it’s been a better week I might try get through some of the mountain of work I’ve been avoiding.
Right now I’m still getting used to my chronic illness. I’ve been suffering for years, but always just assumed I was lazy, or hadn’t eaten enough, or a million and one other excuses. Although having a reason is a relief, it’s scary. It’s here to stay and I need to learn to live with it. I’m sure one day I’ll know where I stand with it, I’ll have a diagnosis and a symptom management plan, and I’ll feel more in control, but that day is not yet.
The future is overwhelming. In July I’ll graduate, and have to enter the real world. I’ve always known what I wanted to do, I never even considered that I might be too ill to do it. So right now it’s back to the drawing board, desperately searching for a job I can do, without having to move away from the doctors I’ve only just met, who will be supportive of my illness. My degree has 3 contact hours a week, so I have no idea how I’ll cope with work, I don’t even know how I’ll cope making tea tonight, or having a shower. Long term planning is nothing short of impossible.
I wish people would stop telling me to be positive. I am positive. I’m also realistic. When I say this illness isn’t going away, it’s not. That’s a chronic condition. When I say it limits what I can do, it does. That doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious. I will find a job and a life that I love, it just won’t be what I was planning, but that’s okay. My condition is part of me, it does not define me.”
A big thank you to Caroline for reaching out to take part in our Friday Feelings blog.
Do you relate to Caroline’s entry? Do you constantly hear that you should be more positive from those around you? How do you deal with it? Comment below to offer some advice to this new Spoonie.
Want to write your own Friday Feeling entry?
Send
A high res photo
A short paragraph about yourself
What illnesses you have
Your diary entry with the following topics in it:
It’s Friday, many people will go out tonight for a few sociable drinks with their friends. What do you do on a typical Friday night?
How are you feeling at this moment about your chronic illness?
How do you feel about the future in regards to your illness?
How do you feel about the way people view your illness?
and links to your blog and social media to evienevin87@yahoo.ie
Be sure to put “Friday Feelings” in the subject bar.
So until Sunday (I know, I know I said I’d have it up during the week),
Z.M
x
One mother's experience of life with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome
The Zebra Mom 