Having any disability is difficult but for those who suffer from invisible conditions, it is a constant uphill battle. In addition to fighting their own conditions, they must also face discrimination and feel like they have to prove they are in fact, genuinely disabled.
As the name suggests, invisible disabilities are quite hard to detect, just by looking at someone. You can not tell if someone suffers from migraines, depression or diabetes just by looking at them. While you may have the best intentions, some of the following statements should never be said to someone with a chronic or invisible illness
“But you don’t look sick/But you look so well.”
While you may be trying to make the sufferer feel better, it can often come across as being accusing. Bear in mind that people with invisible illnesses probably hear this on a day-to-day basis. Not all illnesses are obvious and quite often the sufferer just puts on a brave face or you may have caught them on a good day.
“It could be worse, you could have cancer.”
Of course things could be worse, but if the sufferer has a chronic illness that doesn’t have a cure, they will be facing this condition for the rest of their lives and for some, it doesn’t get much worse than that. As for the cancer reference, just don’t..cancer goes one way or another, the person you are talking to may never be cured or won’t die as a result of a condition. Chronic illness means a life time of suffering.
“You should try this, it worked really well for my aunt, uncle, grandfather etc”
Oh this one really grinds my gears…
Again, you may mean well but unless you are a medical professional, or you also suffer from the condition, keep it to yourself. Anybody who suffers from a chronic or invisible condition wants to get better and have probably tried all treatments available to them. The Paleo diet isn’t going to fix faulty genes, or cure depression. And no, vaccines did not give me EDS!!!!
“It must be great not having to work”
My response is usually “😑”
Most people with chronic disabilities would do anything to live a normal life! Everyone wants to be independent and to have a good income to support their families. Being stuck at home all day can also effect a person’s mental state.
“You just need to exercise more”
Of course everyone should be doing some form of regular exercise. Physiotherapy and other exercises are hugely beneficial and important to maintain ones health but, going for a run or taking up a dance class can often make sufferers feel worse, especially if they have something like Autonomic Dysfunction.
“You are too young to be sick”
You don’t have to be elderly to be sick! You can become ill or stressed no matter what your age. Illness or disability isn’t age-dependent. Saying this to someone with an invisible condition can often make them feel self conscious about their inability to do normal, everyday tasks such as getting out of the house to get the groceries.
“It is all in your head”
Of all the things people with invisible conditions hear, this is undoubtedly the most dangerous. Sadly, not only is it heard from friends and family, sufferers can often hear it from their doctor. It is not uncommon for people suffering from physical disabilities to suffer from mental illness, and all because they were not believed.
But what can be the worst thing of all for someone with an invisible disability is for them to hear nothing at all. Someone who comes across as being totally disinterested, ignores the subject or just nods can be the most hurtful of all.
Things you should say to someone with an invisible or chronic condition.
“I believe you”
This can often be the nicest possible thing someone with an invisible condition will hear. Too often, sufferers will spend years battling with health care professionals to find an answer. When they finally hear “I believe you,” a huge weight will lift from their shoulders.
“I looked up your condition online”
Someone who takes the time to learn about a condition is very much appreciated amongst those with disabilities.
“How can I help?”
Taking a person shopping, for a cup of coffee or bringing them to their appointments can make all the difference. Sometimes someone with a chronic condition doesn’t leave the house for a long time, or misses a lot of school or work.
Adding to the difficultly of their illness is the feeling of being forgotten or left behind. Even if you can’t take time out of your day, a text or a phone call letting them know you are thinking of them may be a small act for you, but a big gesture for the recipient.
Two very powerful words but, don’t say it unless you mean it.
I hope people who hear these things on a daily basis won’t feel so alone. Sadly, we will face ignorance in our lives. We will come across some moron who harasses you because you have a disability badge on your car. It’s inevitable. Chin up. We may be ‘invisible’ but we still have our voices to educate and create awareness.
To all the people out there who are skeptical of one’s illness, remember this; never judge a book by its cover. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true.
So until next time,
Take care of you