Tag Archives: funny

No blue badge? No problem!

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Hey there, hi there, ho there!

So recently , I had the displeasure in confronting two “gentleman” in their work van who decided to it take it upon themselves in parking in one of the few accessible spaces in my town. This is a common occurrence in my town and well, all over Ireland really. Many people in my country have this sense of entitlement and have little regard for those of us who genuinely need these spaces. So, in light of my recent argument with the two blokes who decided to take up a space that I needed, I present you with some of the excuses I have been given over the years.

Please, take the accessible space if you only need it for two minutes

No, really it’s quite alright. I’ll just drive around and around until you decide to move. Honestly, it’s no problem. If I can’t find a space I’ll just take my walking stick and risk dislocating my pelvis. But I’m sure that’s not as inconvenient as it is for you to have to find a space and walk to your destination which is located 50 paces away. Heaven forbid you actually use the healthy body you’ve been blessed with for a minute or so. And no, I am not throwing daggers in your direction as we go around and around waiting for you to catch the hint. That look, is admiratiton, I swear.

dagger eyes

Please take the accessible space to make your delivery

Go right ahead, take that space to unload your delivery. I’m sure you won’t take several minutes to carry all those crates one at time into the restaurant/shop. Jesus, if you walked three more meters where the next space is, you loose the extra 10 seconds parking in the blue spot gave you. cvv Time is money, people. Time is money.

watch

Please take the accessible space to eat your lunch

You must be so famished, you poor thing. You couldn’t even make it outside the car park to stuff your face. What happened, were you in trapped down a well? Was there a food shortage in your village? You just sit there and eat your lunch while I struggle to get my wheelchair out of the car and try and avoid on coming cars. Your stomach comes first.

stuff your face

Please take the accessible space to avoid the rain

Are you related to the wicked witch of the west? Cause if so, you really should avoid the rain, I don’t blame you for not considering those with blue badges, you might melt! But just in case some pesky person with a disability takes the space before you do, let me introduce to you some very modern inventions. These items are revolutionary! The first one I call a coat (still working on the name). This amazing contraption is relatively cheap and protects you from the rain you fear so badly. Simply put your arms in the sleeves and zip up the front. Simple! Available in a variety of colours and fabrics.

The second innovative invention is even better when you pair it with the coat. Simply open the keepyoudry-o-matic (my people want to call it an umbrella but I don’t think it’s as catchy) and hold it over your head. Voila! You’re dry! Amazing, huh?

melting.gif

Please take the accessible space to collect your able bodied bodied friend

I mean, it makes sense, doesn’t it? You don’t want to fall out with a friend because you made them walk an extra 10 paces. That’s a deal breaker there. The secret to a long lasting friendship is laziness and a mutual disrespect for blue badge holders.

disrespect

Please take the accessible space to run in and “grab a few bits”.

No, no, no please go and do a full shop. Don’t rush yourself, after all your time is more important than mine. It’s not like I have hospital appointments, doctor appointments, trips to the pharmacy or my physiotherapist to see. It’s OK I’ll just hobble across the car park and that’s OK cause clearly the teabags and biscuits you need for your guests are so much more important than my health.

fake smile

Do you know anybody who does these things? Have you heard of more ridiculous excuses? Let me know in the comments!

Until next time,

Z.M

x

Ridiculous things that injure people with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome

Hey there, hi there, ho there!

Havin’ a bit of fun today with this tongue in cheek article. I was just thinking about all the things that can potentially hurt me-that wouldn’t hurt a “normal person.” The list was pretty funny so I thought I’d share them with you. I try and see the funny side of my illness. Nothing like a bit of comic relief!

Breathing

Breathing is vital to our survival. However, many people with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome suffer from a condition called Costrochronditis. It kind of feels like your having a heart attack and can make breathing very painful.

Eating

Again vital to our survival and yet, many of us have serious trouble with eating. Eating the wrong thing can cause pretty horrible side effects such as Tachycardia. If you suffer from Mast Cell Activation Disorder (MCAD), something you have been previously been able to eat all of a sudden causes an allergic reaction. Then there’s  Gut/Bowel Dysmotility and Gastroparesis

Sleeping

Many people with EDS suffer from Chronic Fatigue. We will spend weeks sleeping like we are hibernating for the long night. Then there are weeks where we suffer with insomnia. Our sleep patterns tend to be all over the place and we tend to be night owls in general.

insomnia GIF

Drinking

I’m not talking specifically about alcohol here. No, even drinking a glass of water can cause issues. We do have difficulty swallowing so sometimes we will either cough and splutter while the water goes down. Then there are times when the water goes down the wrong way or even cause us to bloat so badly that we look pregnant. As for alcohol? Yeah….just no. Tachycardia, MCAD flare, nausea, vomiting, THE APOCALYPSE.

Moving

Moving is like an extreme sport to us. Even on our good days we are afraid to move for fear we might injure ourselves. We are clumsy AF so there’s a pretty solid chance we are going to walk into a wall/table, trip over ourselves or trip over literally nothing.

Exercise

laughing GIF.gif

Working

“God, it must be so great not having to work” *insert eye roll here* We would love to be able to work, some of us can and that’s brilliant for so many of us our working lives are over long before we even get our first grey hair. Being stuck at home is not all it’s cracked up to be, you know?

eyeroll GIF

Sex

Yep. Even sex can be detrimental to us Zebras. Ever dislocated a hip while having sex? Um…no…me neither…

Yawning

Yep, simply yawning can cause pain. Anybody with TMJ Dysfunction will know this.

You: “What was that?!”

Me: Oh just my jaw popping out of place.

You:

shock GIF

Stretching

You’ve finally managed to have a good night sleep, you wake up, have a lovely big stretch and then….POP, POP, POP, POP.

crispies gif.gif

Sneezing

See above.

Laughing

Side effects of laughing include:

Headaches

Dislocations/subluxations

Fatigue

Your funny bone may get tickled but it also might pop out of place.

Bathing

Yes, even bathing cause some pretty nasty symptoms such as our POTS and Hypotension to flare up. Do you really need to wash your hair today? Like, is it a special occasion?

faints giphy

Hobbies

I’m not talking about bungee jumping or horse riding here, people. I’m talking about sitting on your butt, watching TV and KNITTING. Yep, even knitting can cause an injury. Dislocated wrists will put you off knitting for life.

Taking our meds

Never mind the difficulty having to swallow giant pills or multiple pills. Most of us can do that dry after awhile but when the side effects make you feel worse than the symptoms you are actually treating, you know you have a problem.

The weather

Is it hot and humid? Pain in the muscles. Cold? Pain in the joints.

Have anything to add to my list? Let me know below!

Until next time,

Z.M

x

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